Penis enlargement company Andromedical announced this week that French men are the worlds best endowed lovers, measuring 6.2 inches when aroused compared to a global average of 5.5inches. Brit blokes performed miserably at 5.1 inches, said The Sun, though not as badly as Indians (3.9 inches) and South Koreans (who came bottom of the table at 3.7 inches).
The statistics emerged as British self-publicist Jonah Falcon claimed that his reputation for possessing the worlds biggest willy (13.5 inches) means women typically snub him, telling the Sun when I meet people they find it hard to look me in the eye.
They just see whats in my trousers, Mr Falcon complained, I just want to find a steady girlfriend who doesnt think Im a freak show.
Sex therapist author Anne Hooper suggested last July that size isnt so important, telling the Standard I think that if youre absolutely brilliant with the fingers, it doesnt matter at all, adding, if youre not brilliant, however, it could matter a lot.
Her views matched those of Washington Daily sex columnist Lara Bain who analysed data from Durex and Playboy magazines last year and discovered that 67% of women are dissatisfied with their partners size as well as 96% of the men themselves.
It's time to set the record straight. Like it or not, penis size matters to both men and women, Ms Bain declared, Any woman who tells you otherwise is lying, and any man probably has a small member.
Jonty Skrufff (JontySkrufff.com)