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Bicycle Lover Busted ::

Reported by Olly @ Trackitdown on November 5, 2007

Scottish cycling enthusiast Robert Stewart was placed on the Sex Offenders Register this week after he was caught making love to his bicycle by cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel, Ayr.

Mr Stewart pleaded guilty to committing a ‘sexual breach of the peace’, the Telegraph reported, after he failed to hear the maids knocking at his hotel room door as he pleasured his bike.

“They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down,” prosecutor Gail Davidson told the Court, “The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

The latest inanimate object sex case came three years after fellow Scottish registered sex offender (and self declared performance artist) Ross Watt was placed on probation after being caught having sex with a traffic cone in front of 20 Edinburgh teenagers. British sex criminal Karl Watkins was less fortunate in 1993 when he was jailed for 18 months after being spotted by children making love to an underpass.

In more bicycle news, anti-surveillance guru Nick Rosen, editor of the Off-Grid website, advised cycling in a ‘Ten ways to thwart Big Brother’ article published in the Observer this week, as a valuable means of avoiding car number plate surveillance cameras proliferating throughout the UK.

“The simplest way is to leave the car at home and use a bicycle,” Mr Rosen recommended. “But if you must drive, don't go into a congestion zone at any time.”

“There are other legal ways to hide your registration number from the cameras,” he added, “Swap the light above the rear number-plate for an infrared bulb and that will flood the video-camera which operates at near infrared frequency.” (‘Live off-grid, unplugged from the system with solar panels and rainwater harvesting. There are tens of thousands of people living without mains power, water or sewerage, in isolated cottages, behind hedgerows in caravans or in groups of yurts in country fields . . .’)



Bicycle Links: (RAVE: the female bicycle seat sniffers association of N.O.: ‘What we do is meet at Tulane's campus and then we watch for girls riding their bikes to class or dorms or the library or whatever. Once she dismounts the bike, we each take turns sniffing the seat . . .’) (The world naked bike ride, London) (snarfer; ’sniffing, or putting your face on girls bicycle seats. Favored target is Chubby girls or girls with a yeast infection because of the strong aroma . . .’)