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When Animals Attack ::

Reported by Tristan Ingram on December 14, 2007

Suddenly ubiquitous new superstar DJ David Guetta dismissed numerous DJs this week (‘there are a lot of people who can’t do it but think they can’) and revealed that nothing should be considered off limits when talking to the press.

“When I was three years old I was stung on the penis by a bee,” the French house hero told Metro when asked about the last time he was attacked (by an animal).

“My parents told me it swelled up really big but I don’t remember it myself,” he added.

Goth shock superstar Marilyn Manson also discussed animal anxieties and penis pain this week, admitting he’s thinking of being tattooed on his manhood (‘if I would get one there, that would say buyer beware’) and chatting about finding himself face to face with a baboon, when on E at Florida Zoo.

“They said whatever you do don’t look him in the eye so that’s all I could do,” he told British chat show host Graham Norton, “They actually let me in. Some irresponsible bastard said lets put Marilyn Manson on ecstasy in a cage with a red arse baboon.”

Tech star Louis Osbourne also found himself in danger at a music festival in Izmir Turkey when he went for a stroll on the beach and was targeted by a trio of rabid stray dogs, he told Skrufff this week.

“One moment I was listening to Massive Attack’s Blue Lines cruising down the beach with the sun in my face, “The next I was up to my waist in water running away from three dogs with frothy mouths. It was quite scary. I had to wait in the water until they fucked off,” he recalled, “Oh, and I once saw Jeremy Healy get stung on the ass by a jellyfish down at Atlantis secret beach / lagoon in Ibiza,” he laughed.

Healy himself found himself targeted by the attack dogs of the Sunday Times this week, who launched a ferocious attack on the veteran house star following the announcement of his upcoming marriage to Patsy Kensit (ex wife of Simple Minds’ Jim Kerr and Oasis’ Liam Gallagher).

“So Patsy Kensit is getting hitched again. The lucky beau? Disc-spinner extra-ordinaire Jeremy Healy,” the paper mocked, “A man with so many notches on his bedpost it looks like it had a brush with a beaver on acid. Oh, what is it with Patsy and rock stars?” they added.

David Guetta’s new (Cathy Dennis written) single Baby When The Light is out now.

Animal Links: (Dog armour) (Pinups for pitbulls) (wigs)

Jonty Skrufff (