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Amsterdam Approves Alfresco Sex

Reported by Tristan Ingram on March 17, 2008

Dutch councillors this week introduced new laws legalising open air sex in Amsterdam’s famous Vondelpark, as part of an unorthodox campaign to tackle homophobic violence.

Local radio station Radio Netherlands reported that gay bashing is a growing problem in the famously tolerant city and said gay men visiting the park’s unofficial cruising area the Rose Garden are increasingly at risk.

“The police say it would be easier to protect gays if they cuddle in public,” Radio Netherlands reported, “A quickie in the bushes, for fear of being fined, makes them easy prey for their attackers.”

"Why should we oppose a rule on something you can't oppose a rule on. Moreover it isn't a nuisance for the other visitors and gives a lot of pleasure to a certain group of people,” said council chief Paul van Grieken, explaining the new policy.

"There still are rules," he added. "They must take their garbage with them afterwards and never have intercourse near the playground. The sex must be limited to the evening hours and night.”

Brit-in-Amsterdam Dave Clarke welcomed the move, telling Skrufff ‘listen, as long as people keep themselves to themselves and no one is hurt or offended then I don't really care, I'm sure everyone has had sex in a park at sometime in their life, right?’

“It annoys me that people outside of Holland focus on these sort of things,” the techno uberlord continued, “It’s far better to see that finally the Red Light area is thankfully being downscaled.”

Dave also brushed off suggestions that Dutch people are more open-minded and enthusiastic about sex than the Brits generally, declaring ‘I don't believe in stereotyping sexual types per country.”

“I will say that perhaps some mainland European countries have better sex education than the UK, there are far too many pregnancies at an early age in England, for example, but I also think that about other areas in education too.

England really does come low down now, except for a privileged few. The very fact that Blair's children went to private school shows us what he really meant by "education, education, education".

“Europe can actually be quite nice,” Dave added, “It's not all about Eurocrats holding down sausage size in the UK to permitted standards.” (Check out Dave’s White Noise radio show: more details here)

Jonty Skrufff (