Councillors in Bolton are to hand out children's bubble-blowers to revellers in a novel attempt to reduce street violence in the tough northern town.
Councillor Elaine Sherrington suggested pugnacious drinkers in the Northern English will be distracted by the Fairy Liquid toys though local shopkeeper Elizabeth Edwards was unimpressed.
"We often have shop premises damaged by aggressive drunks and I don't think blowing bubbles is going to help,” she told the Daily Mail, “They'll only end up chucking the soapy liquid at each other,” she predicted.
Legendary local house DJ ‘’born and bred’ Bolton native Danny Whitehead disagreed, telling Skrufff ‘I think, based on the fact that the locals of Bolton like a beer or two, it could be a good idea’ and praised the towns mix of ‘very rough’ and ‘swanky’ areas.
“There’s a sink or swim attitude here that I think turned out the likes of Peter Kay, Sir Ian McKellen and Badly Drawn Boy (although he says he's from Manchester),” he suggested, “As well as lots of addicts and Special Brew (lager) fans.”
Alistair, who’s currently a resident DJ at Manchester’s Area51, as well as a regular at Café Mambo in Ibiza, suggested locals ‘are friendly on the whole’ though admitted he’d had a number on incidents that might have worried more metrosexual Southerners.
“I have been whacked once or twice (but usually I politely returned service) and once I was head-butted in a Ritzy club by a jealous ex (boyfriend) of a girlfriend,” he recalled,” The guy tapped me on the shoulder, then bang’.
“It’s funny, because I’ve only just had the chipped tooth crowned and the guy who head-butted me actually fitted my Sky (TV satellite) box not very long ago and the guilt showed- ha ha,” he laughed.
“I must have been threatened around 20 times in Bolton, but a lot of that was working in the clubs. I make a policy of not lingering too long in the takeaways also,” he added.
“The bad thing for Bolton is that there has been little town planning with regards to nightlife and the licensing committee are all over 60,” Alistair added, “I know this because my mum was on it.”
London DJ Nathan Coles (who now lives in Ibiza) similarly backed the concept of the scheme though also worried about Bolton citizens misinterpreting the bubble blowing/ pen devices.
“Bolton Bubble Blowers; try saying that when your drunk for starters,” Nathan quipped.
“It all sounds like a lovely idea, but what happens when they start stabbing each other to death with them, or at least gauging each others eye's out with the pens.”
“And there’s nothing worse than washing up liquid in the old mince pies (Cockney rhyming slang for eyes),” he joked.
Nathan’s fisticuffs (fighting) form was significantly shorter than Alistair’s with his scariest moment happening at an after-hours club in Belgium courtesy of a local thug, he recalled.
“He wasn't really going for me though, but was trying to hit a girl we were with and being the gentleman that I am, I stepped in the way,” said Nathan.
“Fortunately I managed to keep it to a shouting match and someone ran and got the bouncers and it was stopped before he managed to hit me or anyone else. Maybe if I’d had a bubble blower I could have blown some bubbles in his eyes and then kneed him in the nuts (testicles) and legged it (ran off),” he added.
Nathan Cole’s next release ‘Make Your Mind Up' is out on Wiggle Records on December 8, Alistair Whitehead, meanwhile, has a forthcoming release coming out on Champion Records.
http://tinyurl.com/2d6ljb (Bolton gang violence: very graphic and alarming- might cause problems at work!!!!!!!!)
Jonty Skrufff (Skrufff.com)