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Cocaine’s Conversation Starter Solution ::

Reported by Ben Stroud on July 9, 2009

Controversial energy drink manufacturer Redux Beverages published a fresh official newsletter this week in which they emphasised the communication possibilities using their controversial drink Cocaine Energy can provide.

“Having trouble making new friends? We have the solution; bring some Cocaine Energy to the next party and you will no longer be standing in the corner alone,” said Cocaine baron Jamie Kirby, “Cocaine Energy is the greatest conversation piece ever; trust us, it works,” he promised.

Jamie also emphasised Cocaine’s family friendly features, declaring ‘it is our hope that our product will open discussion between kids and parents’.

“It is very difficult for parents to broach the discussion about drugs with their kids,” he noted, “So, maybe it is the kids that should take the first step. Our product can do that.”

His comments came just as Oasis star Noel Gallagher chatted enthusiastically about spending an estimated £1million on coke (the
drug) before quitting in 1998, in an interview in which he also launched a hilarious attack against clean living Coldplay rival Chris Martin.

“I look at Chris Martin who says he has never taken drugs in his life and I think he is an idiot,” Noel told Italian newspaper Corriere Della Sera, “Doing drugs is the most beautiful thing about being in a rock band . . . I stopped because it is bad for your health, brain, life and for people around you,” he added.

Noel’s recollections differed from those of bad boy British Lotto winner Mikey Carroll, who said he regretted spending over £1million pounds on wild parties and drugs after winning £9.7 million in 2002.

“We would act like Roman generals. We had sword fights with real swords and drank ourselves into a stupor,” he recalled in his 2006 autobiography 'Careful What You Wish For'.

“The girls would be bed-hopping round the house. We would treat them like servants and they loved it. They served us cocaine on silver plates.”

“I can't say I regret the women,” Mickey also clarified, “"I have shagged some of the very best tottie (women) in Norfolk. I am well on my way to chalking up a thousand-plus birds,” he boasted (the

Later described by the Daily Mail as the "tattoo-covered, chunky-
jewellery- wearing, cocaine-snorting, foul-mouthed neighbour from hell’ he was reportedly down to his last £500,000 by 2008, though in the same year was selected to play a debt collector in crime movie Jack Said.

"Michael's got exactly the look we're after, “film producer Simon Phillips told the Sun at the time, “He could be the next Vinnie Jones."

Jonty Skrufff (