(picture: Tim 'don't call me Metrosexual' Sheridan)
“Mate, around my neck are the two original Wilkinson sword razorblades I wore under my school uniform when a kid Punk. When I had the exhausts on one of my more ridiculous vehicles chromed I got them to dip the blades too. NEVER take them off. To remind me I am a PUNK in Gentleman Anarchist's clothing.”
Mangy old razor blade issues aside, Very Very Wrong Indeed mainman Tim Sheridan remains one of club culture’s most outspoken and opinionated commentators, possessing a fiercely alternative attitude that’s brought him fame, fortune (and occasionally scorn), throughout his 20 year career.
Passionate to a fault, he’s recently quit Ibiza for the decidedly grimmer confines of Brixton and chatting to Skrufff this week from his South London crib said he has no intentions of attending Miami’s upcoming Winter Music Conference (WMC: http://wintermusicconference.com/ )
"I've not been for a few years now. Not only is it so very 90s in terms of music industry excess, we’re in a fucking recession,” Tim snorts.
“I'll be having an UNOFFICIAL WMC round mine. I'll wander round Brixton, find some shit gear (drugs), get disappointed, put on some music I hate at wedding volume and flush two grand down the shitter. Oh and chuck out 20 copies of one of our new tunes. Maybe give them to a tramp. Then I'll carry on using the Internet to communicate with the ghost of the music industry. Like a Ouija board but with more letters and with more direct connectivity to Satan."
Skrufff (Jonty Skrufff): When was the last time you attended?
Tim Sheridan: "Christ what? 5 or 6 years ago. It was pointless then so fuck knows what 5 or 6 years of total ignorance of European music has done to improve it since. Hang on. That might have happened in a good way. To be fair."
Skrufff: What impact (if any) do you expect the date split between Ultra and WMC will have on next week's event?
Tim Sheridan: "Double the testes and you've got a proper ballbag, I suppose. Which has to be good for bollocks fans of every stripe. I'm an optimist. Can't stop myself."
Skrufff: What's been the most over-the-top experience you've had there?
Tim Sheridan: "The last time that happened Sarah Cox was with us and told the whole story on Radio One while I was still there. My Mam rang me for a telling off. It ceases to be rock & roll at that point. And it's already out there. In short, ten Latino hookers in a massive suite; I object to prostitution so a ‘colleague’ said we should play 5 a side football with a huge orange instead. Shirts and Skins, naturally. I was Ref (referee). A nameless promoter did a fairly impressive overhead kick and it hit one of the poor lasses so hard in the face the orange practically exploded. One of them said the immortal line ‘MOTHERFUCKER YOU BUSTED UP HER MONEYMAKER!’
It was also offside. I mean literally not just morally wrong. Have you tried explaining to ten pint sized pros (all actually really paying attention in a circle) the offside trap? In shit Spanish? Anyway the evil mastermind (and lets be frank, equally evil wallet) behind this "match" called the agency for "a substitute please". Who arrived very quickly and turned out to be the injured player's sister. It was 2-0 by the way. 47mins stoppage time. That's just the one that was on national radio and all you’re getting. Today."
Skrufff: How about the worst (have you ever been refused entry at any clubs? accosted by any local criminals/ hookers/ frat boys on spring break/ over-eager US executive types?
Tim Sheridan: "I'm rarely approached by colonials (Americans) as I radiate distain, superiority and a deadly musk effective against tossers at 12 paces. I also have a ‘Paddington Hard Stare’ that I reserve for our Cousins who are less gifted in the observational elements of the social graces. I was once sat upon by two policemen for brandishing bananas like six shooters. Only 2 other industry people know the following to be true. The police said "PUT THE FUCKIN' FRUIT ON THE FLOOR AND YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!" to which for some reason I replied "Don't be absurd! they're not LOADED!!" . Nobody laughed.”
Skrufff How important is the US to you as a market generally?
Tim Sheridan: "I have to confess, and this is a Skrufff exclusive, Briggate in Leeds, worth a trip. Brixton and Borough rule but I have been going to Aldi and even . . . I'm ashamed . . . Tesco! It's sheer laziness. So if I go to Tesco because it's closer than Brixton why the fuck would I buy groceries using a 747!? What am I? Madonna or something!?"
Skrufff : Why do you think the scene in the States has lagged behind so much despite house disco and techno all pretty much being invented in the US?
Tim Sheridan: "Because they are sociologically and individually conditioned to think they are the best at everything? Just a wild guess. Take the ‘World Series'? What world? What other countries even play your sports, you loons? Same goes for music. Just because they started it doesn't mean they stay on top of it. I mean . . . look at their CARS for Christ's sake! Ridiculous."
Skrufff Commercial electronic music is taking off in the States right now, how much do you believe this will filter down to underground, serious club music?
Tim Sheridan: "Shit now I have to answer properly. Their underground scene is unparalleled and always has been. As for brain donor rap 'Moguls' catching up with the rest of the world? Honestly I have to quote the truly underrated genius of the man behind the man behind Live Aid, the one and only Midge Ure; "it means nothing to me". Overall honestly? America lost the respect of the entire thinking global population and most of the others too some years ago ostensibly by going around murdering the fuck out of anyone they liked and whooping about it. The whooping was the deal-breaker for me."
Skrufff: Given all the hype: how much do you believe Las Vegas is 'the New Ibiza?' (or could it be?) have you been there? what stood out?
Tim Sheridan: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . aha...sorry. . . Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA Ahhh. Is it? That's a new one. I'd better tell Ibiza then. Could you let the rest of the world know, Jonty? Especially all those Americans that go to Ibiza cos they'll be WELL gutted it was all going on back home. Christ has nobody heard of PR!? I'll seriously wager any person a shiny farthing, that if you dig enough all that shit is conceived, executed and paid for by at least the Vegas Tourist board if not the actual Mayors’ office. Or more likely a 'Group of like-minded LEGITIMATE businessmen'.... sorry that really did crack me up."
Skrufff: How important are conferences for you these days in general (compared to three or four years ago?)
Tim Sheridan: "I don’t know, I'm in my forties and live on my own with a dog. Better ask someone in a sterile loveless marriage how important a "conference" is Ha ha ha ha! Honest truth, years ago when I still took the 'industry' seriously I told my Dad I was off to an international conference of dance music . . . pause on the phone. Pisses himself laughing. He rarely does that. He's a retired Major, Doctor and Magistrate."
Skrufff: Anything else to add?
Tim Sheridan: "If you thought I had amusing and cynical opinions about WMC ask me about IMS next time! NEWSFLASH; no one buys music anymore. Stop fucking about and put some free parties on or something. Or do what we do and grit your teeth and PAY to put music you love out. And have a fucking conference about THAT."
Jonty Skrufff: http://listn.to/JontySkrufff